Ingredient Supplier's Revolutionary Branded Extract Revealed to Be Turmeric Wearing a Lab Coat

An ingredient supplier’s highly anticipated branded extract, unveiled to a standing-room-only booth crowd and marketed as “the most advanced anti-inflammatory compound of the decade,” was revealed this week to be ordinary turmeric wearing a small white lab coat and safety goggles.

“We’ve invested years in developing CurcuMaxx-Prime-7,” said Dr. Lance Hoberg, the supplier’s head of innovation, adjusting the tiny lab coat on a heaping pile of yellow powder. “It’s standardized, it’s patented, and it has a logo. Regular turmeric can’t say that.”

Independent analysis confirmed that the extract is chemically identical to the turmeric sold in bulk bins, except that it arrives in a heat-sealed foil bag with a hologram and a 34-page sell sheet.

The sell sheet cites six clinical trials, four of which studied turmeric, one of which studied the lab coat, and one of which consisted of a questionnaire asking participants whether they “felt good about turmeric.”

Brand owners have responded enthusiastically. “Customers don’t want turmeric,” said formulator Nadia Kessler. “They want a turmeric with a backstory and a minimum order quantity.”

At press time, the supplier had announced a next-generation version, CurcuMaxx-Prime-8, which is the same turmeric wearing a slightly longer lab coat.